


Nothings Changed

by BluestKingBlue



Series: Trans!Boy Ronan [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Trans Male Character, trans!ronan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 15:17:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3982909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BluestKingBlue/pseuds/BluestKingBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ronan, I-” Adams voice was softer than Ronan had ever heard it and he sighed suddenly; dropping his head onto Adam's shoulder, effectively cutting off his words.<br/>“Are you sure?” Ronan whispered back. He felt Adam nod against his head. He sighed again before wrapping his arms around Adams waist. “Alright.”<br/>Adam kissed his temple very softly, speaking against the flesh there. “Nothings changed.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothings Changed

**Author's Note:**

> Ahaa I love trans boy Ronan so much. This is the first fanfiction I've written in months omg and this book series has ensnared my heart. The boys may be a bit off but eh. In the words of the great Daniel Radcliffe "I tried therefore no one can judge me"
> 
> This is probably the first in a series good god.
> 
> EDITED: 9/8/16

No one was meant to find out. That was Ronan Lynch's number one rule; imposed not by his late father but by himself. No one was to know, for this secret was so monumental that fear gripped his heart every time the thought of discovery entered his head. While he always shoved the feeling down the bottomless chasm of his brain, it always returned with a vengence.

It fought it's way out of the abyss time and time again in his dreams- creating breasted, clawed creatures, morphing his companions faces of disgust into monsters. He was always careful to dispose of these particular abominations and while the physical evidence of them were removed, they lingered in his head and heart. The monsters he defeated in the night always still in every hateful stare he gave his binded chest and packed pants, and even with enough self hatred to fill unending holes- no one found out for the longest of times. He was honestly stupid to think that his luck would last forever, though.

It was sometime after he revealed his dream creation ability and the monsters that came with it that it happened. He'd gotten home early in the afternoon and after making sure that no one else resided in Monmouth for the moment he decided to give himself some freedom. After setting foot in his bedroom he stripped off his shirt roughly, moving to unsnap the clasps on his chest binder and allow time for his breasts to breath. His ribs ached for freedom from their cage and he breathed a heavy sigh of relief when the tightness disappeared. He let himself stay shirtless as he moved throughout the apartment, a risky move but one he felt he deserved after all that had happened recently.

He grabbed his clothing after deciding a shower was exactly what his aching muscles and sore back deserved after a long day of the very charming maggot and her lampshade esque dresses, and Gansey and his unsubtle stares at said shade. It was sickening in every aspect of the word. The more sickening thought, though, was how badly he wished Adam looked at him like that. Sickening thoughts as such continued to cloud Ronans mind as he showered, the water almost scalding.

What would it be like to have Adams' eyes on him? Tracing over his body and face in an innocent way, and a not so innocent way. It made his gut drop and his face heat up. Ronan pushed away those thoughts with a shake of his head. Adam would never go for a body like his. He, himself, could barely stomach a body like his. He stood in the heat for another minute before shutting off the water and rolling his not as tense shoulders while he stepped out.

The bathroom door banged open not ten seconds after and Ronan heard himself screech in surprise as he twirled to the door wildly. Adam took half a step in into the room, startled at the sound and looked up from the floor, eyes growing quickly. His grip on the door knob tightened as Ronan frantically grabbed for his towel, holding it up to cover his naked body. His very female, very naked body.

They stared at each other silently; Ronan dripping water, Adam dripping shock. He gaped, stammered some and then fell silent again. He continued to stare at Ronans face. He looked back on in open fear.

“A-adam?” Ronans' voice, uncharacteristically small, stuttered out into the open air. He heard the fragility in his own voice and hated it.

The boy in question was silent, staring at Ronans face with wide eyes. Ronan felt his body heat with anger, replacing the weakness that started in his knees and grew to sickness in his stomach. His rule had been broken, he'd been found out. He was dead and unlike Noah, he wouldn't be able to linger.

“I” Adam interrupted his anger, stopped and then swallowed thickly. “I didn't know you were in here.”

Ronan felt his hands clench. He stared the shorter boy down, hatred overtaking his eyes. “Fucking knock, Parrish. You don't fucking live here.” He held the towel tighter to his damp breasts, feeling tension rise in every muscle.

Adam flinched out of his stupor, nodding frantically. “I-I'm sorry, shit. I'm sorry.” He repeated, backing out of the bathroom. They continued to stare at each other.

“Get _out_ Adam!” Ronan yelled, venom splashing from his words. They seemed to burn at Adams skin, causing him to quickly flee the bathroom; slamming the door shut in his haste.

Ronan shook with a cocktail of rage and fear. It pulsated through his veins as he stared at the door Adam had retreated through. He was so fucked. So so incredibly fucked. This was bigger than Adam finding out about his stupid crush, this was Adam finding out how to smother out his life. This was Adam finding out his greatest weakness.

Thirty minutes passed in anxiety as Ronan got dressed in his sleepwear. His hands shook, his temples throbbed and his chest ached where the sports bra dug into his sides. He had been found out. He had _been found the fuck out._ He hoped Adam had fled Monmouth, he also hoped he hadn't. 

He took a long deep breath and exited the bathroom. He walked slowly, growing more steady and venomous with each step into Ganseys room. 

Adam was still here. 

Ronan stopped and stared at him, seated on the couch, in a position reminiscent of prayer. Chainsaw sat, too, pecking at the fraying bottom of Adam's jeans. He seemed not to notice even as he appeared to be staring right at the bird. Ronan cleared his throat, and Adam met his eyes. He quickly stood, the bird at his feet cawing in offense before fluttering off.

“So...” Adam said, he trailed off. Nerves sizzling into a single word. Ronan felt anxiety rip through the base of his skull like a bullet.

“So.” He repeated, a more final tone in his repetition. 

“Does uh..does Gansey know?” Adam asked, he fidgeted under Ronans heavy stare.

“No. And you are not to breath a word of this to anyone Parrish. I really don't fucking care what you think of me now, I couldn't care any less honestly but-”

“I don't care about your body, Ronan.” Adam said, cutting him off. He winced, not sure how his words would be taken. They were silent, Ronan stared.

“What?” He questioned, voice taking on the same scared quality as in the bathroom.

“I said I don't care. You're still a boy. Nothings changed.” Adam shrugged a shoulder, eyes flicking to the ground again before returning to the taller boys face. Ronan took a shaky breath.

“Of course it's changed, you dumb fuck. You  _saw_ me!” Ronan gestured broadly, anger bubbling red hot inside him. His words started slow, thoughtfully before the dam he'd been holding them all behind for so long collapsed; he continued on. “You know what I am, and now you know what I am not. That despite my tales of never lying I've been lying to you all the entire time. That I'm not a real boy that I'm this fake shit. That I'm as fucking fake as the things I rip from dreams. You know that I'm an” he stammered, voice becoming raw “that I'm an abomination.” 

“You're not an  _abomination,_ _**dammit** _ .”

Ronan had time enough to take a breath once the words had left his mouth before Adam was on him, hands grabbing his face and pulling him the distance to his lips; making their mouths meet almost violently. Ronan spluttered against Adams assault and pushed him back.

“What the fuck, Parrish?!”

“You're not an abomination.” He repeated.

“So your way of portraying that fully is by kissing me?! God dammit just because you know I've got the bits you're interested in doesn't mean you can-”

“I said I didn't care about your  _damn body_ , Ronan.” Adam stared him down. “Sure you surprised me, I wasn't expecting you to be...” he trailed.

“Trans.” Ronan finshed, bitter laugh on his lips.

“Yeah, trans. But that doesn't change anything.” Adam took a step closer to Ronan again. Ronan glared. “I still.” Adam now took a shaky breath. “I still like you.”

“Bullshit.”

“Christ, Ronan.” Adam practically yelled out. Ronan remaining unmoved when Adams arms flung up in exasperation. 

“No, no. I'm just an easy goddamn transition for you now, right? Now that Blue is off gallivanting with Gansey you have to rebound off the next best thing. Well if you think that I'm going to let you try and get with me because I have what you want and now that suddenly makes the potential gay crisis you would have with me any less valid than-”

“ **No** ” Adams voice cut into Ronans' second speech of the night, Adam glaring him down. “I liked you before, I like you now. Why is this so difficult for you?”

“Oh, c'mon Parrish. Everything is difficult with me.” Ronans voice dripped with bitterness. Adam sighed and nodded.

“I don't think you've ever said anything more true.” 

A laugh surprised out of Ronan and he rubbed his hands over his face. Adam smiled at the sound before closing the distance to carefully put his hands on Ronans shoulders. Ronan went still, dropping his own hands from his face to look at Adam. 

“Ronan, I-” Adams voice was softer than Ronan had ever heard it and he sighed suddenly; dropping his head onto Adam's shoulder, effectively cutting off his words.

“Are you sure?” Ronan whispered back. He felt Adam nod against his head. He sighed again before wrapping his arms around Adams waist. “Alright.”

Adam kissed his temple very softly, speaking against the flesh there. “Nothings changed.”

 


End file.
